Leave Out All the Rest

Leave Out All the Rest
Linkin Park

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shed but I'm me

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

Thus, I have Failed

I don't actually know why I am writing... again. Probably because of the budding disappointment I am quite feeling now. Besides, I only write when the darker side comes out. And here he is... after quite a long time.

I pride myself in listening--in being able to help another human being in pain. I thought that I could help them since I don't want them to experience the same hell I fell in... but now I know it's just me, ego-tripping. For so long, I believed that I could help them by offering a listening ear and by giving out advices (or so, I thought they were advices). However, I discovered that I am not nothing but merely somebody who they talk to.

There's nothing wrong with them. Definitely nothing. I know this in the pit of my very being, and because of this, I feel more annoyed with myself.

I am just an ordinary loner... a person who PRETENDS that he is of help in any way... a person who thinks that he is being helpful by listening... but all this is nothing but my pride talking.

It all makes sense now--the failed friendships, the unrequited loves, the people who were once close to me but is now gone. It doesn't need to be explicitly said for it is right there--glaring at me straight in the eye. I AM NOTHING BUT A FAILURE.

It's not just the fact that I can't help people. But it is also because I am living in my own world. I don't care about what happens around me--whether someone will die in front of me or not. Lucky if I could even muster an, "Ahh..." when faced with someone dying. I am too APATHETIC. I've closed myself from everything.

Hah. Perhaps I'm closing myself further by writing this, but I don't know. I know I'm a huge failure. But I don't really care anymore. I've lived my life not caring... I could go on like this.

To the people whom I've hurt until now, I'm sorry. To the people whom I've confused minds, I'm sorry. To the people whom I've wasted time, I'm sorry. To the people I've given false hope by making them believe in my words, I'm sorry. And to the two people who made me realize all this, I'm sorry... and thank you. At least now I could define myself a bit better.

"I don't care anymore."